Soul Partner : Separation and Sovereignty

Things have been challenging the last few days…nights. Desire is the cause of all suffering, they say. You could replace “desire” with “attachment.”  And we know what that is: ego!

So, I continue to suffer. 

Intellectually, I know what I need to do. I have learned this lesson before, and I’m sure I will have to learn it again. Hold space. Love without expectation. Focus on your mission. Let him go. 

These are the times that no one wants to write about, let alone admit to. These are the low points on the Soul Partner path. Some call this “separation”; I prefer “sovereignty.” 

It looks like there is a lot of crying in bed night after night, begging for it all to just go away. 

It sounds like, “Why me? Why do I know all of this? Why can’t I just return to being “normal”?” 

The truth is that I would never go back. I will always choose the truth over the illusion. No matter how much the process hurts. 

I was so naive that I thought my awakenings would protect me from this. I thought being awake would give me a “get out of jail free” card or something. I shouldn’t have to suffer through this; I already know the answers to the test!

“Not so fast,” the universe said. You, too, have to EXPERIENCE the illusion of separation from yourself, John*, and God. Not just know it. Welcome to the club. 

The following day, I sat for breathwork. If you haven’t ever participated, it’s a potent type of meditation. I fully support you trying it, but know that it can release trauma, and it’s not for everyone. 

John’s* soul immediately came into my awareness and surrounded me with unconditional love. So much love and connection. He held me so that our heart chakras were aligned. I could have stayed there forever, basking in his love, his touch. He put his hands into my chest, opened up my chest cavity, and pulled my heart forward in my body. At the same time, I noticed his chest cavity was open and empty. He pulled me closer. We share one heart. “A little gory for Halloween,” he said as he smiled, covered in blood.

It was like the first time I saw him in my ayahuasca ceremony when he showed me that we share the heart chakra. We are one; there is no separation. I am so grateful for these moments, these reminders of our connection and of our love.