Soul Partner : Ego Death

 There are a lot of misconceptions about the Soul Partner path. I’m writing today to clarify some things. The first is simply that Soul Partners trigger a spiritual awakening. That is the point of the phenomenon. Everyone’s path is different; here’s a bit about mine. 

Addressing the ego has been difficult; it’s a process of being forged in the fire of your beliefs and conditioning one by one. It’s not like all of the ego falls away at one time. We go through our initial ego death and think, “Okay, we’re good!” Not so fast… In reality, we go through ego death after ego death after ego death. Granted, I do think they get easier and shorter, but when you are in one, there is so much suffering that you don’t think about how bad it’s been in the past; all you are feeling is, “How do I get the hell out of this!” 

My first ego death felt like a shock to the system. It was like nothing existed, and I was grasping for any identity to stabilize myself. In hindsight, I was thrown into another layer of consciousness, and because I hadn’t been aware of it before and had no understanding of the structure of the Universe, I freaked out. Subsequent ego deaths have felt much more like the ego bombarding me with obsessive downward spirals of thought patterns. Like I’m being psychically attacked. It’s like a relentless negative internal dialogue, taking me further down into the depths of despair. 

I’ve noticed that when I enter into another ego death, it's usually after an increase in consciousness. The bigger the up level, the harder the ego death. So this last one has been rough as I just started to glimpse Brahman or “The Womb.”

Lessons on the Layers of Consciousness

That said, it has also brought an entirely different perspective to ego death, one where I have realized that it can address both the “good and bad.” So ego death doesn’t just address the conditioning of things like unworthiness, but it also addresses misunderstandings like our traditional idea of "love." The latter is what the Soul Partner Path does for the “spiritual counterpart” (that’s me!), among other things. 

I’ve also realized more fully that the ego is actually working with me. I think we sometimes demonize the ego. We say things like the ego is “attacking” us. Think about it like this: My soul wants me to be the best version of myself and to give me the gift of truth. It reflects all of these illusions, misdirected ideas, and conditioning for me. It lets me live in the illusion while knowing the truth. The ego is my partner in my awakening. Pushing me to burn off everything that is untrue. Don’t get me wrong, this sucks! It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to work through. But when I come out of it (and you will come out of it every time), I am more myself, more authentic, and more clear about what is happening. It’s less like a battle and more like letting every inauthentic part of me burn off. The trick is to not resist it and just move through it. When we struggle, it takes longer to resolve. I guess what I’m trying to say is to show gratitude for this ego; it’s your door to liberation. 

I want to give you an example: 

I remember, in the early days of my awakening, having one of the hardest nights of my life. My ego presented every fear I have ever had. And by “presented,” I mean my ego triggered me into a fear state and challenged my belief systems around not only fear but all kinds of different ideas, beliefs, and conditioning. Some examples are sin, evil, satan, “bad” energy, monsters, “bad” people, death, aliens, abuse, duality, etc. I dealt with one fear at a time for over 10 hours with no sleep in sight. At the end of all of this, exhausted and surrendered to the process, I came out of it knowing there was no such thing as fear. It’s just something of the mind that is used to control and exploit us. And that's the point! This is when the false sense of fear was washed away, revealing the truth.

Here’s an example from the Soul Partner Path I want to clarify:

Part of the Soul Partner Journey is to understand and know what Love is.  I’m talking about real Unconditional Love. The stuff the Universe is made of. To do that, we must go through an ego death where the ego presents the beliefs and conditions of what most of us know as “love.”

I want to note here that Soul Partners aren’t just some random person; they are connected to you at the Soul level and incarnate with you over and over again. It’s just that you don’t recognize them most of the time. But in this incarnation, you do! They have a part to play, but it’s not always clear what part that is, and, to be honest, I’m still not fully sure as life isn’t over yet! I know that he guides, grounds, and supports me, and well, he Loves me even though he might not realize it from an ego perspective. 

Here is what this ego death looked like for me in a nutshell: 

1. Fall in “love” in the traditional sense. Fall in “love” with his form, character, and personality. This has all kinds of egoic feelings intertwined, including attraction, desire, hope, longing, etc. 

2. Struggle with insecurities and rejection. Grapple with social norms like age gaps, marriage, professional requirements, rules, societal definitions of beauty, etc. 

3. Recognize his Soul, see his essence, and fall in Love with his astral or higher self. Fall in Love with his Soul. Detach from the form, character, and personality. Understand that the social norms and everything in number 2 above are a belief system of the ego. 

4. See the reflection of myself in his Soul and understand that I am the same as he is.  Fall in Love with me.

5. See God in him and then in myself. Begin to know God. Fall in Love with God. Start to ascend into different layers of consciousness.

6. I began to know Unconditional Love and that Love is spread not only to my counterpart and God but to everyone and everything. Energy neutralizes. The egoic “love” I felt for him comes in and out as it starts to balance, but the Unconditional Love is always there. 

7. Step into my authenticity and tell him what I have been experiencing. He responded from ego because he’s not awake and totally misunderstood me. This spins me into another ego death, where I deal with the shame of "love" and Love. 

   
   

Soul Partner : Love and Shame

I come out of this knowing what Love really is. I am Love. That’s why I Love him and everything; that is who I am. Everything is Love. Love is like energy, not created or destroyed. It is forever. It is intelligent. It will be here regardless of what happens, no matter what. 

A note on romantic Love: 

Love is for everyone equally, meaning you don’t Love anyone more or less than anyone else. Remember that Love and attachment are two different things. That doesn’t mean we still won’t have attraction and affection for one specific person, someone we might decide to spend more time with and maybe marry. I think all of that will still happen. But, the traditional idea of “love” will fail without the Love of the Soul. Without that, all you have is an ego, an idea of someone, beliefs, agreements, expectations, personalities, attraction, etc. All of which is an illusion and temporary.